Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
