i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize