I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
