Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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