I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
