me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
