Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
