watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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