what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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