Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
