I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
