I wish my penis had an off switch
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
