There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
