So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
