Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
