Apparently you make a good broom.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
