i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize