This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
