I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
