In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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