he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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