If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't turn off my feet"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
