My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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