I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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