Having a random hookup so left but love u
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
