I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
