Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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