Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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