i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize