Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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