Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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