"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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