We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
