The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
