): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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