we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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