I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
