when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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