they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didn't notice because vodka
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
