my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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