I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
