East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
