i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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