he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I checked into jail on foursquare
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize