i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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