3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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