I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize