Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
