Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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