if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
