Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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