I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
