he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
