What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
