I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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