Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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