know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
