i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
