sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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