Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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