I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
