i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize