I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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