Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
