well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
