Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize