More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
