I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
