I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
