he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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