Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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