happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
