Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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