that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
