If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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