if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
did you just send me my own nude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
