Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
