I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
