John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
