did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
