My first STD was from a foam party
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
