He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
