guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
