watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
