i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
