yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
