Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
