He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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