Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
