Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
