so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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