u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Four minutes until I can fart!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
