saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
