I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize