There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Less talking, more tequila
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think your dad took our porno
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
