Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
