i just wanna soil my oats bro
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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