Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
