He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
