He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
