roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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