sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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