"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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