We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
