Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
