theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
